Living an impossible dream, pt 2.

The single narrative concerning everyone involved.., it can be tiresome at times. I was watching the swedish tv-programme Go´kväll tonight, 15/4-20. It is something I do not normally do, however, tonight they had visitors from Talita - an organisation trying to "help women out of prostitution and trafficking" - in their own words. In this blog post I state my reactions to the interview. The first reaction I had to this episode in Go´kväll is that they, as always, say that women (because it’s always women ofc,.... wonder if they include trans women in that group) “hamnar i prostitution”, that they "fall into prostitution", which implies and - further building on the myth that it could never be a choice, that these women are always fooled or forced victims. Because they do indeed talk about “women in prostitution” as a homogenous group. They also talk about the women as “they” or “them” Here they are, being cozy in a tv sofa, heroes, talking about other peoples experiences. A lot of the debate has, at least since the Paulo Roberto scandal - revolved around the women not getting their own voice heard. Is that no less true when it comes to women talking about sexworkers just because they are “saviours”? Why not (I am sure there are ways to do it anonymously if needed) let one of their ex-prostitutes tell her own story?

^ Grundarna av Talita: Josefin Appelqvist och Anna sander i SVTs Go´kväll den 15/4-20.

Furthermore, no line is being drawn between prostitution and trafficking. And at least, imo, by not drawing that line, they make believe that there is no such line, further strenghtening their narrative, and making it a truth. They do not invite the audience to question that standpoint which makes their worldview much easier to buy. I think that is the reason they focus on women as well, - women who fall victim to male violence - because that is in today's society a well known “truth”. Don’t get me wrong, I do not question patriarchal and misogynistic violence - my point is that this further implies that men can’t be victims to sexual violence themselves, and can’t be victims of vilolence from women. They also seem to more or less mock the needs of men. YES there is a difference between having your needs met under consent and forcing someone to meet them, but yet again - no such discussion is even hinted at, which yet again strenghtens their ideology and narrative in a powerful move. In my opinion, part of the trouble with the extent of sexwork - that the trade of sexual services extends further than consenting sex workers and onto trafficking or poverty victims - is, in part, that society does not respect the human basic needs for sex, intimacy, and kinks. Sex is seen as a less important aspect of life and something that should magically come naturally once you are deep enough in love. I think this could be helped by better sex ed, non-abolishinc metods of meeting peoples needs, talking about needs etc. We need more people like Marika Smith (a sex inspirator running an instagram account I can very well recommend, @sexinspiration) in our society, but we also need to view sex work more like therapy. No one is considering that some sex workers might find enjoyment in helping their clients regain their sexuality, live out kinks they’ve hidden all their lives or just talk and be close without sexual stimulation - as a friend or partner. Only the purely sexual aspect of “I gotta have my needs met” is taken into existence when discussing sex work, or "prostitution". As well as they do not make any difference between trafficking and prostitution, neither do they make any distinction between prostitution and porn. In fact - it is the oppostite. According to Talita porn and prostitution go hand in hand, and both feature exposed and voulnerable women. I would like to point out a few things here. They, so to say, accuse buyers of sexual services - men - of wanting to try things they've seen in porn, but: 1 - Wanting to try stuff seen in porn does not limit to sex-buying men. All genders can be inspired by porn. I as a sexworking woman, and I as a pre-sexworker have been inspired by porn. I would personally say that has been healthy for me, and I have had friends saying the same. 2 - Being inspired and wanting to try new stuff is not equal to it being unhealthy or forceful uopn another being. Again, there is a difference between forcing a fantasy upon another individual and asking if they would like to participate - something never or rarely taken into account in the sexwork debate. Heck, some of my hottest experiences has involved watching porn with a partner or building a fantasy setting with porn as a source of inspiration. It is just the same as people taking inspiration from movies when decorating their homes or choosing which way to live - or being inspired by a romcom for ones sexlife. There is a difference between metods in what is healthy and what is not - it is not decided by the source of inspiration.

3 - Apparently, it is only women in the porn industry who fall into violence - and never male actors - at least not when this discussion is brought up. I read this as a symptom of the discourse in which women "endure" and men "enjoy" sex. Another thing that pops into mind... when talking about the sexworkers anxiety, as the representatives from Talita do in the show - is the source of that anxiety necessarily always due to how they are treated by their customers or “superiors” or are they hiding part of the truth? How much anxiety is due to the fact that it is deemed morally wrong, or that if their occupation comes out may affect their family life or careers, reptuation etc.

I actually follow (another) a really good instagram account, @enligt_porrforskningen, which debunks many myths around porn and porn consumtion, based on scientific research. One of their posts discussed the tendency of people from more morally and/or religiously strict upbringings to feel worse viewing porn, than those from with more open backgrounds where sex was not as strong a factor of morality. So what seemed to be the issue was not the content of the pornographic material - but the view of the self as dirty in the eyes of society. I think, I am convinced that the same can, in many cases, be said about sexual services - the clients and the sellers feeling disgusted not by disliking the axt of sexual services, but by feeling dirty in the eyes of society. Last but not least. The host asks a really good question: “What is the problem with/behind this?” However, I am not satisfied with the answer. Talita responds with "The problem is that men buy sex". No, I'd say; The problem is not that men buy sex. That is, imo just the effect of deeper issues or hidden factors, namely:

1. Something that is often brought up in the debate around “women in prostitution” is the monetary issues. That they are forced into it by the lack of a financially stable safety net or resources.
   

2. What is more, is that sexual violence is not something only sexworkers experience. Being a sexworker is not equal to being a victim, and not being a sexworker is not equal to never being exposed to sexual violence or harassments either. The Me-too movement showed us that big time. Violence against female sex workers is violence against women - just extended, and it affects sexworkers maybe even more because of the stigma that sex work is deemed morally wrong, but also - if you are a foreginer - because of the racism and prejudices against foreginers. In worst case scenarios it is colonialisation all over again. In these aspects the question is not even about sex anymore. This is the same reason that foreginers are the ones working with the elderly or cleaning toilets in a greater extent than (ethnic) swedish citizens.
   

3. Furthermore, as I touched above. Society does not heed to people's need to explore their sexuality. We still enforce the norm that sex should be the product of love, even if that worldview is being more and more questioned as in the case of single girls taking their sexuality in their own hands and being “proud and slutty” or so. But still, the hetronormative and monogamous norms still have a strong hold on our worldview. We still picture what is “normal” sex, we still feel inhibited in living out or even talking about our sexuality with strangers, friends, and sexual partners.
   

Now these are just my thoughts. I would love to hear your opinions on this and correct me or question me if you find something troubling. I speak from my own education and my own experinces - in sex work as well as from my private life. Do you agree with me? Or what have I missed? Do you have facts debunking my theories or strenghtening them? I’d love to know.